Bliss~

i am just so happy~

i love dylan so much, and i am so happy that we got back together today~

yup, that's right. sasha apparently broke it off with him, and i think he realized that she wasn't the girl he wanted. he totally needed somone more affectionate~

*bliss*

forget it...

well, it's allready over and i should just except it.

so imma just forget about it. i'll just be happy, y'know. forget about all of this dylan drama and move on. dylan's happy so so what, i'll be fine. i won't be so unhappy anymore. i'll grow up and deal with it.

thanx everyone for being there for me. i'm okay now. ^_^

okay, don't listen to me. i'm lying... i am still stuck. i just want to pretend to be happy so thatothers will be happy to.

Jail Birds

vans and tots have gotten into jail...

again.

twice.

won't they ever learn? geez, they enjoy the attention from going to jail, i hope they go away for a looooooooooong time, i'll miss them but in the longrun it'll be for the best if they calm the shit down.

uhg, too harsh there. but i'm soooo tired. i can't hardly stay up, but esme's goddamned friends are keeping her up. those little fuckers.

Ice Cream...

Even in my deepest pits of sadness and dispair, even when idk when i even think about living any longer since my life right now is just as good as being dead. i find this funny.

and it reminds me. i need ice cream soooo bad right now. and an ice pack, my arm/wrist is hurting soooo bad...

New Girls...

So some new girls moved in just today. Well recently, not really today. Today was just thier first day at Bratzville High.

Anyways, as usual, I don't know what to make of them yet. They seem nice enough, and Toto has decided to take Miranda as her friend, like Beastie and Beybey are to me and vans.

omg. sudden burst of grammer >>;

anyways, when they came i decided i wouldn't let their first impression be the torn down emo self that i am right now, but the happy me. so i put on my best smile and i made it seem like my life was fine and it wasn't totally fucked up.

although when i look at them i can't help but see them as enimies... what if dylan... *sigh*

OYAH! the theater yesterday...

so yesterday i missed WICKED good sounding movie at the theater D<

so i asked dylan if he wanted to go out and eat dinner, he politly -iguessyoucouldcallitthat- arefused, and we went to see said wicked good sounding movie. pans labrinth. dylan was there with... sasha. and i couldn't hardly focus on the movie... i was just staring at sasha and dylan the whole time. ^^'

apparently the movie had some blood and gore, i feel bad for missing those scenes. my fave part of horror movies are covering my face at the scary parts! hehe

well no matter, i still feel pretty happy and light~

Philleh~

So we might be going to philly again~ This time it'll be a nice peaceful vaca instead of a big one like last time. nice and relaxing~

we're gonna, if we do go, bring glamtastica, beasty, and beybey with us~ and of course us three, me, vans, and tots. o i hope we can go~ it'll be so nice to just have time to think everything out and relaaaaax~

i got a trim on my hair to make it a little better, it looks great~ hardly different =w=

oyah, the hair cutting virus has been spreading. it started with desti getting a redical change to her hair. it's so much more rocker now, it's really gorge, although i could never pull it off with my thick beast, not that i'd want to.

we're gonna watch 'wolfman' tonight, it'll be awesomelicious~ i LOVE horror mystery movies~ even better when they have romance added, although right now i'm not at all in a romance mood right now, so a straight up somethinglikehorror movie should be good. the whole class'll be going.

dylan being his usual self and sitting with us acting as if he didn't totally ruin my life, but i don't really care actually... mebbe after things get a little more normal between us we can go out again, i don't want to push him into a relationship he's uncomforatable in, which is seems like he's too afraid of hurting me so he doesn't want to go at it again. or mebbe he's just waiting for me to make my move >>;

idk.

idc.

i'll just see where life takes me. i feel really light and happy right now, like my future promises good things~

contest?

apparently toto thinks there's some contest of the blog posts -.- uhm, those aren't realy posts soooo...

THEY DON'T COUNT.

xD

kk~

(immawinbtw)

...wtf

dylan says he still has feelings for me in his blog...

i say i still have feelings for dylan in my blog...

sasha and flat head both turned dylan down.

therefore leaving him and me.

dylan says he doesn't want to hurt me, so therefore isn'tgoing out with me. but being alone hurts me even more.

wtf is going on here?

Somtimes The Sayings Aren't True...

so i was looking around on myspace and i saw this bumper sticker that said this:

'there comes a time in life
when you have to let go
of all the pointless drama
& the people who create it
& suround yourself with
people who make you laugh
so hard you forget
the bad and focus soley
on the good. after all
life's too short to
be anything but happy.'

and it made me think how wrong that saying is.

i'm in the middle of some 'pointless drama' and in order to get rid of it and the ppl who caused it i'd have to get rid of the people who make me laugh and such. *sigh* if only life was as easy as this makes it seem.

UUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGG

damndamndamn

why is everything just going downhill into a pile a dung.

I. HATE. THIS.

why can't we just CALM down?! i'm not calming down either so i'm not saying that i'm totally innocent.

uhg. i just want everything to be normal... like it was RIGHT after vanny got together with brendi... just plain normal. THIS IS WHY I HATE CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HJDJFDSGAKJFDHUSDBNGMD

damndamndamndamndamn

i hate this.

i want dylan back.

i want everythign the way it was before...

i want happiness again and feeling just plain fine. not feeling like i have to resort to hurting myself just to forget all of the badness...

it's all i can do to hope that dylan stays... i don't know how i could handle not only not dating him, but also never seeing him...

Wow... Just wow...

how self obsorbed can vanny get?

i heard her and toto reading my last post and their reactions...

FHDJKSAFHLSF

WTF?! vanny's acting as if she's done NOTHING wrong. how dense is she?!! waaaaaaaaay.

now she acts as if i'm lucky if we're ever friends again. suuuuuuuuure. yeah, the perfect friend. disses the one you love, even when you hate her boyfriend but you never say ANYTHING, and doesn't even care if she hurts you by what she says. omg. god, i hate vanny so much somtimes.

oyah, and she definatly is the suckiset friend ever since everytime i say antyhign that even close upsets her, she leaves me. even in my most time of desprate need.

toto? sorry about what i said in that last post, i only said it 'cause i knew vanny would be all like 'omg. toto was saying mean things too!!'. and i didn't want to have to deal with that. u haven't hardly been mean, although that comment was rude to say while in the same room as me.

but yeah, vanny, i was trying hard to be nice to you. i was trying hard to be your friend. but apparently my friendship means nothing to you, since you'll loose it over a little venting. geez, i should of have left you hen you started upsetting me. if anyone is hurting me, it's not dylan. it's you.

They don't know me and they don't understand...

everyone is telling me not to date dylan 'cause they don't want to see me get hurt.

so this everyday emotional (physical even...) pain isn't me getting hurt?

why don't they even get it?! i feel alone and hurt without dylan. but vanny is allways like 'omg dylan is such a hoe for even thinking of getting back together with you!!!!11!!'. so instead she wants me to be alone stuck in this pit of misery and unhappiness?

god i can't beleive her...

vanny? you know how you keep on forgetting about me and how i feel everyday and just keep on sayign how much you hate dylan 'cause he might want to go out with me again? yeah, ditzy model type. you happen to forget that there is anyone in the world that matters other then you.

srsly, and toto? yeah it TOTALLY cheers me up how you said 'i'm so glad sasha sang 'halo' so that now dylan can take his mind off of sasha~'. yeah. wooo.

so mebbe i'll listen to you two. mebbe i'll just avoid 'getting hurt' and instead spend my days alone stuck in depression. hurting myself intentionally to try and get rid of the pain. ruin times that could be happy by being upset because of how HURT i am.

i'm sure you'd be just dandy if i did that.

March...

march calls the start of spring, which is the season for new beginnings, right? so it pisses me off that i have to be so miserable and stuck up in the past. but it's not like i can just forget everything between dylan and i...

BUT

we went out for breakfast together today, since he knows my secret since SOMEONE told everyone in the world that has the internet it, and dylan found that so he talked to me about my problem and all the drama our breaking up did.

well then he asked if i wanted to go out to breakfast with him, i made sure he knew that it wasn't a date and that if he only wanted me back because he felt pity on me and he wanted to stop all of this drama then he'd better forget it and it won't fix anything.

*sigh*

but maybe we can patch things up? it's allmost spring~ new beginnings of old ones count too right?